Recently I had a twitter conversation with @DatAfricanGirl about the Dj Khaled video “Hold You Down.” Specifically the part of the video where he says to the video vixen “say my name baby” and tells her if she says it he will give her money to “go buy your momma a house.” If you can’t see where I am going with this then all hope is lost!
This video is offensive and an example of the “situation-ship” or “relationships” that are all too common in Zambia. A young girl or perhaps even a grown woman gets involved with a man because he can financially provide for her, that story is as old as time. The danger is when the man uses this financial control as form of emotional abuse, making the woman do demeaning things in order to get it.
Before I get ahead of myself let us start with the tweet that @DatAfricanGirl tweeted that sparked our conversation:
Now I have to agree with the idea that this girl is playing along with his ownership fetish can definitely lead to dangerous situations. A woman who allows herself to be treated like a piece of property or who is with a man for financial means and status is a woman asking for trouble. This man is not forced to love you or respect and cherish you because you are both playing a game. He knows he can talk down to you, demean you in public, dress you like his personal barbie doll all because you have agreed to fall in line with his fetish.
As a grown man who probably has sister and maybe a wife or girlfriend and a daughter you would think Dj Khaled would be aware of the message that short clip was sending. This is a grown man living in an industry that demeans and degrades women openly, surely in 2014 he knows the message he is sending is wrong.
That struck a chord with me, “selling ones liberty” this rings true because you are selling your own free will when you put yourself in such a position or allow a man to put you in that position. A liberty that was fought for by your ancestors be they slaves or be they colonized Africans, ownership over thyself no less! To wrap up our twitter conversation @DatAfricanGirl made the following beautiful point:
Yes! Dear women please stop seeking validation from others, learn to love yourselves above all else and only then will men value you.